Becoming a Mother

Kathryn continues to offer her perspective as an adult with a limb difference. Once again, I’m honored to have her contribute to the site and give more views than mine – where I write from a special needs parenting persepctive. Today, Kathryn offers her thoughts on becoming a mother with a limb difference. -Jen

Of all the challenges I have faced and conquered in my life, the one I approached with the most thought and determination was becoming a mother.  When my husband and I found out we were finally going to have our miracle baby, I had the same thoughts a lot of pregnant woman have: figuring out my birth plan, taking care of myself while pregnant, whether I would be a good mother, etc.  Having a limb difference added a whole other category – what challenges would I face once the baby arrived that people with two hands can do with ease?  Before getting pregnant, I used to joke that there are a 1,000 things a baby needs that (theoretically) require two hands.   While my husband was certainly helpful when he was home, he could not be there every second of every day, especially when he returned to work and I was on maternity leave.  So I knew I had to plan ahead, anticipate as many challenges as possible, and like all parents, prepare to do my best with my new baby.

Fortunately, there were certain things I already knew I could do from years of babysitting.  I was not terribly concerned about changing diapers or putting on clothes.  But the gear that comes with a baby – so much gear!   I had the Baby Bargains book (a godsend for any parent-to-be) and went through each category – car seats, strollers, high chairs, cribs, etc., trying to figure out which items would be both safe and reliable for my baby, but also easy for me to use and operate.

As it turns out, most baby gear is really designed for people with two hands.  Everything has a lever or latch or some other gizmo on both the right and left side.  Or a gizmo on the top, bottom and both sides.  Take the infant car seat.   It is designed to go in and out of its base so you can carry your baby when he is smaller without having to take him physically out of the seat every time you go somewhere.  It was especially helpful when my son Zachary was asleep – which was often!  When I first started researching infant seats, I grabbed the Baby Bargains book, which lists items by brand name in alphabetical order, and by the time I got to the “Ps” I called my good friend Jada, mother of 3.  I said something to the effect of “Jada, how the heck am I going to move the handle bar toward the back of the seat when I get my baby in the car?”  All of the seats had a release lever on opposing sides of the handle/carrying bar.  She pointed out that my bigger concern should be how I was going to get the seat out of the base, since you have to press a button on the back/top of the seat while picking up the seat at the same time from the front.  You could press the button to dislodge the seat, but once you let go (to grab the seat) back it would fall/lock into the base.  How indeed would I do that?  Being the great friend that she is, Jada brainstormed with me and actually plopped her (then) 9 month old daughter in her infant seat and practiced, several times, lifting the seat just enough so it was dislodged from the base without falling back down, and then she could lift the seat out, all with one hand.  Phew!  I would be able to get my child in and out of the car.  As for the pesky handle bar, my clever husband removed a spring from one of the levers so I could press that side in, then move the handle from the other side.  Problem solved.

There were many things just like the infant seat that I researched and practiced using before Zachary was born.  I wanted to write to the manufacturers of all the baby gear and ask why they weren’t designing more things that could be operated with one hand.  After all, what do parents of multiples do?  Or parents with more than one kid?  And for that matter, what are you to do if you have Starbucks in one hand and your baby in the other?  I never contacted them, but maybe I will, someday.   I have many ideas… and opinions!

Now that Zachary is 18 months old, I can look back and smile that all the things I worried about turned out to be no big deal.  I figured it out.  I can manipulate a 5-point harness in less than 30 seconds.  I can bathe, dress, feed and play with my child, even when he is wriggling to get away because the last thing he wants to do is be still – which is often!