I was two months pregnant on 9/11

I wasn’t even a mom yet when September 11th happened, but I reacted like a parent. I was crushed to see our nation change. Our comfort and ease of our lifestyle ended that day. Sure, we’re still incredibly safe. But travel and concerns changed. I was hard at work in a newsroom that day ten years ago. I didn’t tell anyone I was pregnant. I did my job the best I could that day and cried quietly for a bit in a bathroom stall. I mourned for my unborn child. I mourned for my country. Not long after the attacks, Osama Bin Laden was quickly made by the government and media into a monster who needed to be stopped by any means necessary.

It took almost ten years. Cameron just turned nine. And last night I watched the president announce Osama Bin Laden is dead.

The campus I work at had students partying and celebrating. The scene outside the White House was jubilant. I felt a little differently. I remember 2001. I remember feeling so scared to bring a child into this world. I remember seeing my world differently. In a way, I became a parent on September 11th… It was when I really started thinking about how I would raise my child (and now children). I collected newspapers and magazines and pieces of video to share with Cameron after he was born. I haven’t shown them to him or Jordan at this point. Jordan does not even understand the concept of September 11th. Cameron and I have talked about it, but I have not sat him down and really showed him what happened that day.

This morning, I went into Cameron’s room and asked if he knew who Osama Bin Laden was. He didn’t. So I gave him a short explanation about how Bin Laden was credited as the “mastermind” behind the September 11th attacks. I told him how American military killed him yesterday and how there was an outburst of celebration all across the country while he was sleeping last night. I turned on the news before school (which I never do) to give him a little perspective before he headed off to school. Miss Jordan was confused and I tried to tell her how a person we consider a “bad guy” was killed. She thought it was sad. And really, it is. All of this is really sad. I’m sad I had to talk about any of this. I’m sad September 11th ever happened. It just churns up all of the emotions I felt when I was two months pregnant and suddenly felt like a mom. That deep sense of responsibility. It’s something I’ll never forget… And I guess in a way, I’m not ready to place that full burden on my kids just yet.

I’ll show Cameron my collection some day. Maybe soon. I’m just not sure.