Now that's kind of strange

Jordan woke up really early this morning. I couldn’t figure out… Except it was punishment for going to bed really late. But later when I was feeding her at school, I noticed her thumb. It’s bright red and has blisters on both sides. She sucked it THAT hard. It’s gross. It has to hurt. And she keeps sucking it! I wonder if her painful teeth or thumb woke her early.

I felt Jordan’s gums, I don’t feel any teeth… But maybe she’s sucking and chewing harder because the teeth are almost there. I feel bad for her.

She only napped for 30 minutes today again.

That drives me batty.

The worst part of that is how she needs to go to bed the moment I get her home. She fell asleep as I fed her tonight… It was so sweet and simple. We’re only a few months away from saying goodbye to breastfeeding. The nighttime feeding is the hardest to let go. And it’s all because of that sweet, quiet cuddle time. Watching her fall asleep while she eats… That little face she makes when she lets go of the latch. It’s a look of pure contentment. I feel so lucky to have this time with her. But it’s bittersweet to watch her grow so fast.

A friend of mine and his wife had a new baby boy this past weekend. Looking at those newborn pictures give me a little pang of sadness for the baby I’m losing so fast. I also started just surfing around looking at other baby pictures that belong to random people I don’t know. I still house a little jealousy for parents who get to raise a typical baby. I’m blessed to be Jordan’s mommy… But it’s hard sometimes to not feel some jealousy. And I’m trying to not be jealous to watch a baby in Jordan’s classroom develop in a more typical manner. She’s almost exactly a month younger than Jordan… She’s pulling up, she’s rocking on her hands and knees… So close to crawling. I’m jealous of a 7 month old baby.

The thing is… Jordan doesn’t care. She loves the little 7 month old little girl. They smile at each other. Jordan is getting aggravated over some of her challenges when she wants to reach a toy or get down on her belly. But on the whole, she doesn’t mind at all. She’s so damned happy to be who she is. I shouldn’t be jealous. I should be lucky enough to experience a one-of-a-kind developing baby. And honestly, I spend more time absorbing and loving every minute of it. But sometimes, I still feel the need to be sad.