Trying to separate bragging from pride
Jordan has met famous people before. Like last year, when she had a chance to talk to double amputee model and athlete, Aimee Mullins.
“I’m famous,” Jordan bragged to a stranger earlier this week.
It’s the first time I’ve ever seen her brag about Born Just Right. I offered context to the stranger about how we have a website that helps tell stories about differences and how they can be awesome. But it all made me sad. Am I doing this wrong? Should I shut this website down?
Born Just Right is a wonderful place for us, but I never wanted it to be the source of bragging for my children. I wanted it to be a place of support and pride. But bragging? No, I don’t want that.
So I’m stumped.
I love the opportunities we have with this website and hang in there… And yes, Jordan has met famous people. (Like that one time when she had a private moment with Aimee Mullins.) I have a big raffle I plan to launch right here on this website and possibly on other blogs to encourage our amazing Camp No Limits fundraiser.
I tried to prevent the bragging. Jordan helps us fundraise for camp, she speaks to college students with me, we talk a lot about the impact she can make with our positive outlook and effort she puts into her life. Maybe I’m overreacting. Maybe I’m not.
Things have been a little quiet here after a week of travel and a week to catch up. But don’t worry. I have things to share and stories to be told. But I’m also trying to see if we need to refocus so Jordan can focus on the important stuff. Not the glory.
I wonder sometimes the same. We did the article about Keegan in Dolphin Tale to get Camp No Limits in the newspaper to spread the word. But I wondered am I bragging about her too much? She is at the age that she doesn’t want the publicity. I think I am helping to spread the word about an important topic and at the same time helping my daughter a bit. I don’t think it is wrong and I believe we should continue. Maybe a couple of more conversations with our kids about what we hope is their part in all this?
Missy, I think you’re right about that. I’ll just make sure to keep the conversation open about our goals and why we do all that we do!
Long time listener, first time caller… The good you do here greatly exceeds any occasional big headedness of your second child. If I may be so bold, maybe your husband could help take her down a notch or two… rr
I love you, Randy.
Honestly, she IS famous in our little community. I’m an American living in Australia and due to you and I being on so many of the same group pages and having mutual friends on FB, I occasionally see photos of Jordan on pages other than yours (camp photos, etc.) & I immediately recognize her face and think “That’s Jordan, from Born Just Right.” That being said, maybe you could talk to her a little bit about if she “wants” to feel famous. And like Spider-Man “With great power, comes great responsibility. ” which means little kids are going to be looking up to her and watching her example. I guess you can ask if that’s what she wants.
Even though she’s young herself, littler children are already looking at her and thinking “Jordan can do it, so I’m going to give it a try too.”
Anyway, that’s just a few thoughts from Down Under. You are both an inspiration to us 🙂
Thank you, Melissa. I’m honored. Jordan has told me many times she is proud of being a mentor. After talking to a lot of people, I think I will just do my best to help Jordan share the “I’m famous” statement with a bit more context. I am very proud of all she has done in her not-quite nine years of life. I’m so glad we really are making a positive impact. That’s always been our family’s goal.
I don’t know whether Jordan is ready for this developmentally. But what about involving her in the telling of other kid’s stories? It might help her focus on the website’s goals beyond how it affects her directly.
I like that idea a lot, Jayme! I’m not sure if she is, but we can try.
I believe I am right in thinking the reason you speak out isn’t for Jordan – it’s about correcting/educating society on how they view her difference. I know his because what does Jordan get out of the website? She’s not the one sitting down to read it. However, the site does effect her. It gives her a sense of pride in looking visibly different and I believe empowering her is vital (This is just the way in which you’ve chosen to empower her).With that being said, I have meet alllllllll of the parents to alllllllll the one handed children (…that certainly feels true. heehee) and they NEED parents who are Jen Lee Reeves minded. They need to read about how at your house you DON’T make her difference a big deal, how letting Jordan speak out about her difference in her own voice is so important, and how your pride in Jordan’s accomplishments have nothing to do with the the fact “you thought she couldn’t do it” (Cause you knew she could). What I am trying to say is your voice to the parents of these kids is vital. As a kid with this difference I can sit in a Q&A session with parents all day long and answer questions about what it is like living with one hand BUT the simple fact of the matter is I don’t know what it is like to be a parent. I don’t know what it’s like to be on your side of things and it is for this reason we need Born Just Right. We need a site that is focused on curing the pity and not totally focusing on Jordan’s difference- but on Jordan as a whole. Plus, I think Jordan is sassy enough….she would find a way to be “famous” without you writing about her! 🙂
Nikki – Thank you. And I think you are probably right… She would figure out a way to be “famous” no matter what.
I always find every topic you write about so interesting and relevant Jen, and have been meaning to comment on them all, but never seem to get time, so I may reply to other previous “Mommy Thoughts” at a later date, but just had to respond to this one as we have found ourselves in a similar situation with our six year old amputee son Rio (an aspiring Paralympian/Blade Runner!) over the last couple of years. Just to give you the background – we set up a fundraising and amputee awareness campaign (to provide his future lightweight prostheses) with a website and social media pages, and Rio’s been featured a few times in the national newspapers, on national TV for interviews on the news and at The London Anniverary Games, as well as being invited on a two week VIP trip to Brazil last Autumn as a special guest of the Brazilian Paralympic Committee to attend the School Paralympics and then Rio went to Rio to meet the Rio 2016 Organising Committee to talk about how London 2912 inspired him (he’s been invited back for the Paralympics in 2 years!) and we had a film crew and photographers trailing us to document our visit on Brazilian national TV, and 2013 finished on a high with an amazing invite to No. 10 Downing Street to meet Samantha Cameron at a charity reception! Most recently Rio was on TV at The Invictus Games – the brain child of a Prince Harry after he went to the Warrior Games – and Clarence House (the royal family’s official twitter account) featured him three times (in three tweets) in the Invictus Games Storify story after Rio had the great honour of meeting Prince Harry at the games (photos and media articles on Rio’s social media pages: http://www.facebook.com/RioWoolf; http://www.twitter.com/@BladeBoyRio). I tell you all this not to show off but to explain what incredible experiences our lucky little boy has enjoyed and with people (friends, family and total strangers who come up to us at sporting events having recognised him from the media coverage) telling him he’s famous and asking for a photo with him, it would be surprising if he didn’t come out with the occasional comment about it!
Fortunately, it hasn’t gone to Rio’s head – he’s very laid back about it all, and on the very rare occasion he says “I’m famous!”, “I’m on TV!” or “I’m in the newspaper!”, which is probably more due to me being unable to contain my own excitement and he generally only says that to us or our extended family – not to school friends, although when we were filming in Brazil, he said “1,000 people want to have a photo with me!” (well he was being asked every few mins and was very happy to oblige!), I make sure, as Jen and Melissa say, to add the context to his statements so that whoever he is talking to will understand what our campaign is about, rather than them thinking I’m a pushy “stage Mum” trying to make my son a celebrity!) – I.e. that Rio was on TV because he met our wounded warriors at The Invictus Games, or because he was training with his Paralympic hero, or because he was lucky enough to be the first child in the UK to get a very special new type of running blade, etc. and that all the PR I do for our Run Rio Run appeal is to raise money for his legs and to raise awareness of the great opportunities out there for “differently-abled” children. We like to think Rio is a great ambassador for young amputees/children with limb difference, so I also emphasise to Rio that he is helping to show people who don’t have “special legs” how he and his young amputee friends can do the same things as other children – just sometimes in a different way. We talk a lot about his other friends with “special arms and legs”. He needs that confidence boost for all the times that people – adults and children – stare at him or say “what happened to your leg?” or “your leg’s stupid” (luckily that last comment doesn’t happen very often)
Missy – it sounds like you and Keegan are doing a great job in spreading the word/raising awareness too – but obviously difficult for you if she doesn’t want the publicity, but maybe if she can understand that she’s helping to change peoples’ perceptions, she will be OK with it. We have just bought the Dolphin Tale DVD and can’t wait to watch it with Rio, and to take him to see Dolphin Tale 2 (which has just hit the UK cinemas).
I also sometimes think people will think I’m showing off about all the amazing events, adventures, experiences and feats Rio has achieved, but we are so proud of him and I feel passionately about raising awareness of how our special children are “enabled” and empowered – it’s more about their abilities than their disabilities – I just want to try to normalise (as much as possible) people being around differently-abled children/those with limb difference/prosthetic limbs! Thankfully London 2012 has really helped in this respect and amputees here in the UK (and around the world) are proudly showing off their prostheses and Rio is so proud of his!
It is so difficult to strike the right balance between boosting our chikdren’s confidence and not letting them brag – I know how much confidence it’s given Rio when people recognise him or tell him they’ve seen him on TV/in the paper/on FB/twitter – he is not very confident at school as he has been bullied there by some horrible boys – not usually about his leg, but one boy told him “I’m going to cut your other leg off and then you’ll be in the bin” (trash can), and some other boys were picking him up and dropping him repeatedly, and others have pushed and shoved a bit. The school have dealt with the culprits but little incidents still happen and the bullies’ parents’ ignorant attitude doesn’t help – one of them told me it was my choice to send Rio to a mainstream school, inferring I should accept that kind of behaviour – as if he should go to a special/amputee school (not that any of those even exist!).
Jen – you and Jordan are achieving great things and making a real difference in educating the general public and opening their eyes to the world of children with limb loss/difference, and the challenges their parents face too – so as Randy said above, this overrides the occasional brag by Jordan, as she is clearly such an inspirational child! Keep up the great work, both of you!
We really hope to meet you and as many of the BJR community as possible when we cross the pond to take Rio to Camp No. Limits – hoping we can make it over next Summer if there’s a CNL in Florida, as we are saving up for a once-in-a-lifetime holiday to meet Winter, visit The Magic Kingdom and of course, CNL – that would be a dream come true!
Juliette – Thank you. Rio is also doing awesome and experiencing so many cool things in his six years! It would be SO awesome to have a chance to hang out with you all when you get the chance to cross the pond. I’m sure we can make it happen!
She is a third grade girl. I think it’s age appropriate to brag a little-. She’s proud of herself. The people around her are proud of her. Why not share?
If she was older than ~12 and telling complete strangers she’s famous could be met with an eye roll or 2