Using a t-shirt to stop the staring
Last week’s dance class was rough. There were two hip hop classmates who wouldn’t stop staring at Jordan and she didn’t feel up to confronting the kids. I got a bit saucy about staring on this blog… And it opened up some great conversations. But while us grown ups work on refining how we raise our kids to learn and grow around differences, Jordan has to navigate reality. So this week… She did something a little different for dance class.
She made her point about ending the stares with the help of a t-shirt. Don’t Stare, Just Ask.
Pretty cool, eh? When I first gave her the shirt, Jordan felt a little embarrassed. Maybe the shirt is too much to the point. But after she put it on and I added a few ribbons to keep the sleeves up, she felt a bit more confident to make her point. Seriously, don’t stare, just ask!
During this week’s dance class, Jordan tells me she felt like no one was staring. Unfortunately, the shirt didn’t help with questions. No one asked. But she certainly felt a little more empowered. Jordan also told me she felt a little strange about being so open about how she feels when people see her limb difference.
That said, I sat down with her right before bed and I asked her how she really felt after trying out a “Don’t Stare, Just Ask” shirt. Her biggest feeling… She’s very happy. (And she proceeded to sing Happy.)
For what it’s worth, I think Jordan’s reaction is totally normal. It is kind of strange to put these kinds of feelings out there in the sense that most everyone you meet simply haven’t experienced what you are feeling in the same way. (Everyone has a taste of it on some level – teasing, etc., but I think a physical difference is more complex in that is doesn’t go away and it affects how you do things, making some things harder than others).
The average 30 year old doesn’t know how to respond to the things that limb different kids have to respond to from their most formative years. It’s not normal to have to deal with the questions and the stares, but it is for those of us with limb differences (and for others who don’t fit the norm) or at least for me, I don’t know if the staring, etc. will ever really feel “normal” because it isn’t something that most people experience. It’s part of my normal, but it still feels weird.
Exactly. Hopefully we will keep finding ways to at least have fun with a non-standard way to live a normal-ish life.
Life is better if you just have fun with it! :). I have no doubt that you and Jordan will always find the fun parts.
My daughter has one arm and is 7. The staring is by far the hardest for her. I think she’d do great with a t-shirt – it WOULD empower her, I believe. Thanks!
I want one for my granddaughter who wad born with no arms! That shirt would be perfect, even though she’s pretty good at at dealing with it at age 4.
I love this. I’m proud of Jordan (and you) for coming up with a proactive way to confront the issue in a positive way. Awesome.
[…] long ago, Jordan wore a t-shirt to help her feel more empowered around a new group of kids. Sharing how she is a Born Just Right […]