That hard headed challenge
What to do. What to do.
Miss Jordan has a hard head. She’s strong willed. She’s a beast in a good and bad way.
But I’ll be honest. I’m a bit stumped with this young lady. In the last year, she’s lost the fear of the adults who are trying to help lead her and teach her. And it’s driving me a little batty.
All that confidence has morphed into a struggle for me as a parent. I need to her to be respectful. I need her to recognize her impact on others. She just doesn’t see it. When she chooses to ignore a teacher’s rules, she doesn’t even understand it’s disrespectful.
ACK!
So, my new challenge is to find a way to help Jordan be more introspective. It was something I personally gained a lot as a kid since I moved a lot. Each time I moved, I looked inside myself and asked what lessons I learned as a person. How did I affect people? Was I kind? What can I do better?
Yeah. She’s almost nine. But I hang out with Jordan a lot. She’s mature enough to be able to understand her impact. I need her to use her strengths for more good. We work hard together to do good for Camp No Limits, but I hope Jordan can do good to adults and peers. She’s often more concerned about others making bad choices and completely doesn’t notice the errors she’s making at the same time.
This parenting thing is so tricky.
I don’t want to just punish Jordan. I want her to learn. I want her to grow. Any ideas are welcome.
Maybe video Jordan in a situation you’ve described and let her see the video and comment
That’s an interesting idea, Sally. I don’t know if Jordan’s teacher can pull it off… but I like the concept. I’ve offered to sit in class and just watch Jordan for a day to see what she’s doing. Maybe I can capture a moment so she can better understand her impact. Thanks!
Here’s what I’d say “You do not have to respect your teacher. However you must ACT respectfully. This means you MUST follow the rules she gives you. But if you think the rule is wrong talk to me about it. If there’s a real problem with it you and I may be able to figure out a way to talk to your teacher about it. Or I might just end up agreeing with you that it’s a silly rule. But we all have to follow silly rules sometimes. This goes for all your interactions with adults. Act respectfully and feel free to think to yourself that you think they are wrong or mean or silly. And talk to me about it!
That’s awesome, Annie. Thank you!
I hope it helps Jen! I don’t know the exact situation for you. But my daughter found it much easier to endure a teacher whose rules she didn’t like when she knew that she’d be relaying them to me that evening and we could talk about how we thought the teacher was doing some things wrong. My daughter understood that this didn’t mean she didn’t have to follow the rules but it feels ever so much more tolerable when your feelings about those rules are vindicated. That year was actually a good bonding experience for me and my daughter. You as the parent can say you don’t agree with the rule, while at the same time telling her that she must follow them. Some of my friends thought they couldn’t tell their kid the teacher was wrong without the kid thinking they could disobey. But kids like Jordan are smart ennough to understand the difference.
Hmmm. I can give that a try, Annie. Thanks.
Hi Jen 🙂 After thinking about it since you uploaded the post. I think that Jordan is a mature girl and a very kind person, so you can work this issue with her through empathy. I believe empathy is the best to be able to know what the other people are feeling about your actions so, what about turning Jordan into the subject? My idea is that you should focus on what has exactly happened or some different situations. For instance, if it’s the case that the teacher has talked to her but she hasn’t get attention. At some point, when at home Jordan tries to talk to you, just do the same. Act as if nobody was talking. Then, she would shock and ask what’s happening. So here is the opportunity for that you tell her and to draw a paralelism with her school’s attitude. I hope this can help you. And I also hope you can let me know if that works (in case you try it). Kisses to Jordan and you <3 And don't worry, Jordan will come to be as mature as you soon, she has a wonderful role model 🙂
Thanks, Laura!
[…] know, she noticed Jordan is growing up a bit. Her sometimes rude, hard headedness is still there… But she’s starting to be a little more introspective and able to […]