Why I don't share many limb difference photos other than Jordan
Photography is my one of my favorite past times. After years of working in the broadcast television industry, I picked up a solid eye for images. I love taking pictures of the family, nature, our dog, sports… You name it. But the one thing I’m trying to be more careful about is sharing photos of children who don’t live with me… Especially photos of limb different kids on social media.
Why?
There are many reasons. And it starts back when Jordan was a baby. I uploaded all my photos (and still do) to Flickr. All of my photos were public back in the day… Until creepy groups started “starring” pictures of Jordan that included her little arm. I suddenly discovered there is a collection of people who are obsessed with imagery of limb differences. And it made me very uncomfortable. Knowing this was happening, I still continued to grow Born Just Right because I knew I needed community that didn’t exist where I live. Born Just Right allowed me to connect with people all over the United States and even around the world. I have always hesitated to share many photos of kids other than Jordan because I didn’t want those images to go somewhere they shouldn’t go. Why do I protect others kids while allowing my daughter to be out there? It’s a decision our family made. We know if someone tries to use Jordan’s photo somewhere it shouldn’t be, we know many people who will call it out. We also know no one can pretend to be Jordan’s parent in the limb difference world. She’s known well enough that you can’t pretend with her. (And yes, we’ve seen adults pretend to be a part of the limb difference parenting world so they could connect with more of our families.) Our family made a decision to throw ourselves into the public eye so the limb difference parenting world could grow, connect and learn from each other. Remember, nine years ago, there was nothing except my beloved Sammy’s Friends group on Yahoo.
The bigger our limb difference parenting communities grow, the more touchy I feel about resharing many photos on social media, especially Born Just Right’s Facebook page without the express permission of the parents. I haven’t been perfect with this process. The older I get and the more involved I am in the online world and social media, the more sensitive I feel. I’m curious how you feel. I love celebrating all of our kids. I love seeing pictures of your kids and even better, I love meeting you all in person. But I hesitate sharing many images on the Born Just Right Facebook page. Should I relax? Should I be more strict about what I share? I’d love to hear your thoughts.
J agree with the statement about her being so well known that there are many who would call people out if her pic was not being used appropriately.
Braeden is the same. He is pretty well known despite not having a blog like yourself and im pretty sure people would catch on and call out fairly quickly.
This is the most tight knit community and we are all about protecting our own…
I agree with you, Kelly. This is a tight knit community. It’s why I love connecting, writing, and sharing so much.
My daughter is 25 now but when she was a teenager a friend told her that her picture was on a creepy site (not sure how she found out) so my daughter took all her pictures down from the web for a time. I never even considered that there would be people out there that would do something like that.
That really stinks, Kathleen. I’m sorry she had to deal with that experience.
i personally don’t mind, but i have opened us up to the public also. i also have a blog for my daughter, (but i have a hard time keeping up with it atm) when i started it had had just found your blog and the lucky fin website, and thought the world needed more. i have have a fb page, and instagram hashtag i use. My goal is to bring awareness to how her life isn’t much different than most, and the only way to go about it is to be open with the world. i am a bit surprised (but not really after thinking about it)that others would use these photos. they are sad people, but i still want to connect with, and share about, her, our lives, so with the good comes the bad. I’d be happy to have her photo shared by you, because the more reputable people that know her, and i, the less likely an imposter will be able to use it. but i think it’s wonderful you think of others like this, so respectful!
Pictures of my hand (and slides from surgery) went all over the world when I was a kid…in my doctor’s suitcase as he traveled to other countries to teach surgical procedures! No social media meant protection from most other types of exposure and, for that, I’m grateful.
Personally, I don’t post hand specific photos of myself. I have no problem if a photo of me happens to show my hand, but that is distinctly different than a photo specifically focused on my hand. For me, it come back to the distinction between being viewed as a person with a limb difference rather than being viewed because of my difference.
In my opinion, your photos of Jordan showcase her and not her little arm. Yes, it’s there and can be seen, but I think you see far more of her personality than anything else. I think you are wise to be cautious and I appreciate the community that you have built. I know my mom would have loved to have had something similar when I was a kid!
Thank you, Christine!
I completely agree with you Jen and personally feel this way about both my kids and to a certain extent even myself. I’ve noticed a lot of people lately posting things from one group to another and I get a little scketched out about it.
A lot of pics of Taylor float around too between T4T, C&M, SOS and other Shriner related stuff, and all of that is perfectly fine with me and there are lots of people watching out for any shadiness online involving her.
I could probably ramble on about this topic for hours. But basically everyone should try to follow these simple guidelines: if the pic isn’t yours, ask the photographer if you can share it (unless they’ve offered it “public”on sites like facebook). If the pic is yours but it includes people you didn’t give birth to, ask those people if it’s okay with them to share it. And lastly, any picture that shows something you wouldn’t want your priest/pastor/etc/Grandparents to see, don’t share it online.
Obviously, I totally agree with you, Nina. Thank you!
I think about this a lot. The whole idea is extremely creepy to me. I worry about some fetishist trying to track my daughter down and “collect” her or something. On my blog I generally don’t post pictures of her bare residual limbs (nubbies as we call her legs) since I am under the impression that is the interesting part for those people… But I also feel like my daughter is here with a purpose to reach, educate, and inspire others through her innate ability to overcome the challenges she was born with. In a way I feel that I should make her story and her remarkable spirit available to the world, but it’s hard to figure out how to do that and protect her at the same time.
I completely understand the struggle. It’s a decision we grappled with years ago when we realized the story we were telling here was powerful beyond our personal circle of friends and family. Nine years later… And we’re still here.
I don’t know. You probably don’t remember who I am but this was something I was struggling with at BlogHer (and have been struggling with since). My son’s differences aren’t as apparent as Jordan’s at first glance, but it doesn’t take much to know he’s different. I think it’s fair and important to share and I feel very happy that I’ve made a difference in the lives of typical parents – I can’t begin to say how often they’re grateful to know why we don’t stay at the bus stop, or why we don’t always finish conversations – and I love that they relate so many stories to their own so part of me is like YES let’s share. And part of me is terrified. Like, when my son’s teacher stumbles on my blog. Good? Maybe. Bad? Maybe. A disadvantage over his classmates? Totally. Tell me when you figure it out?
@Kristi – Of course I remember you! I wish I could figure it out. The best we can do is a t-shirt! If we could just wear our feelings and teach people that way!